Today I have a follow-up regarding the doubled Cymbalta dose.

The last few days have been confusing and overwhelming. Wednesday was a good day. Maybe even a great day. But almost every other day since we doubled my dose has been awful.

Was Wednesday good because the Cymbalta was finally working and was relieving my pain? Was Wednesday good because fibromyalgia can be fickle… making life rough one day, then vanishing the next, only to return the next? Was Wednesday good because I was feeling especially motivated to get things done around the house and my mind overpowered my pain? I have been so lost as to what to tell my doctor at this follow-up.

Most of me wants to end this affair with Cymbalta. I have not felt a reduction in my pain. Even if I gave all the credit for Wednesday to the Cymbalta, I have not seen enough positive results to make the side-effects worth it. Not only have I not seen enough positive results, I have seen entirely too many negative results to feel good about continuing to take Cymbalta.

However, another part of me wonders if I should give this more time. Perhaps four weeks is not enough for the medicine to lessen my pain. Maybe the side effects wear off after more than a month of continuous use? What if I stop taking Cymbalta and my pain dramatically increases? Will I have to start this whole process of acclimatizing to Cymbalta again?

Despite all this internal debate, this morning I feel calm and know I will be able to make the right decision. I feel strongly that trying Cymbalta has been the right thing to do and despite all the annoyances I am glad to be able to say I continue to try those things that may alleviate the pain and improve my mobility. I am grateful for my team who supports and encourages me and helps me identify and learn about possible plans for relief and recovery.

I love my doctor, but am more afraid of the perceived authority, than the person. I think I am afraid of telling him about some of the side effects. Or afraid to tell him that something he chose to help me is not helping. Or, most of all, I am afraid he may tell me I should try Cymbalta for a bit longer and I will not be brave enough to suggest otherwise. Does anyone else get nervous before going to the doctor?