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I'm Kate.

I have Fibromyalgia, POTS, Osteoarthritis, IBS, CFS, and SVT.

I am humbled by, and grateful for the lessons I learn through, my invisible illnesses.

Medications & Monogamy

The full-dose did it’s thing. I fell asleep more quickly, slept in later, and had energy this morning. All this despite the fact that I awoke dozens of times in the middle of the night with disturbing thoughts. This Cymbalta has me thinking all sorts of bizarre things and I am growing tired of them. I do not like being awake in the middle of the night thinking… and having my brain add something vicious to the end of each thought like some immature adult adding “in bed” to the end of their fortune at Lin’s Garden.

Hopefully these side effects will wear off by Tuesday. If not, my follow-up with my doctor will essentially be the beginning of the end of my affair with Cymbalta. Makes sense. I’ve always been the monogamous sort. I’ve got heart-enough for one Daniel and one drug.

Two-timing and Loving It

I confess… I am cheating on Cymbalta.

Saturday night I took half a dose of my Amitriptyline before I went to bed and was quickly reminded why I fell in love with it. I slept wonderfully and made it through the day feeling mostly human until the afternoon. I took a half-dose Sunday night and felt alright for the first half of Monday but, as is often the case with a half-dose, I crashed in the early afternoon. But, to be honest, crashing in the early afternoon is infinitely better than losing my mind in sleeplessness and picking at my face during a late-night panic episode. So, tonight I will take a full dose of my Amitriptyline (20mg) to see if it will make a difference.

In other news, my parents are celebrating their 25th anniversary in Paris, France. Happy Anniversary! Thank you for loving each other like you do.

Losing My Mind and Most of My Sleep

I have not taken Amitriptyline since Monday night and I’ve slept about 10 hours over the last four nights. I am physically and mentally exhausted, but each time I close my eyes and try to sleep my mind won’t shut down. I feel desperate and do not know how much longer I can go without sleeping.

This all goes back to me telling my doctor that Cymbalta seemed to make me anxious, unable to focus, and unable to sit still. If that’s the only consequence to taking both Amitriptyline and Cymbalta I want to go back.  I think perhaps my doctor forgot that I take Amitriptyline because I don’t get REM sleep naturally. I am afraid that, in the talk about my fibromyalgia, we’ve forgotten to pay attention to my overall health. Not sleeping is only aggravating my fibromyalgia and arthritis and significantly reducing my energy.

Yesterday I powered through the exhaustion in hopes of a good night’s rest. Today I will again power through the day in hopes of a good night’s rest, but I will stack the cards in my favor and take Amitriptyline tonight. I know I will not get better without sleep, no matter how many medications I take to alleviate the pain. I also know a pedicure will help me feel human again…

Breaking Up and Moving On

My appointment yesterday went quickly. He asked what I thought of Cymbalta. I explained that it was not yet relieving my pain. I pointed out that two weeks ago I was able to drive myself to the appointment, but this week my dad drove me. (I have not been thinking clearly enough to drive nor are my joints up to much of a car ride.) I also told him about the wild side effects and he told me to stop taking my Amitriptyline.

Yes, Amitriptyline and I have to break up…

He believes my side effects, especially the extreme anxiety, are caused by having both Amitriptyline and Cymbalta in my system. He was quick to explain this, and I was quick to nod in agreement, but inside I was panicking.

As indicated by my previous post, Amitriptyline and I are close friends. Up until last night I’ve taken my Amitriptyline to help me sleep, and it has done a wonderful job. Although they say you can’t form a dependency, my mind sure thinks I need it…

In addition to the forced break-up with the sleeping meds, the doctor gave me a doubled dose of Cymbalta. I am up to 60mg and the side effects are back in full force with a mild level of delusion. I pray the pain relief comes quickly.

Me and Amitriptyline

I love AmitriptylineAmitriptyline was my first love. And, I confess, we still have a thing going on.

I have taken 10mg or 20mg essentially every night for the last decade. These tiny pills changed my life. They taught me what a real night’s rest was like. They pulled me through high school and college and cut my falling asleep time from 3+ hours to 30 minutes or less. For this, I love Amitriptyline. But, last night as I struggled for over 3 hours to fall asleep I decided Amitriptyline no longer reciprocated that loving feeling.

Luckily, this morning I have regained my composure and I take back my delusional thoughts; I now believe that the Cymbalta* is to blame for my trouble sleeping. It made me tired all day yesterday, and the naps I took kept my brain awake last night.

No matter, I am off to my follow-up to talk with my doctor about the first two weeks on Cymbalta.

*Note: I have not yet been on Cymbalta long enough, or seen positive results enough, to call it my Cymbalta.