I know I should have something to say.
I know that you all understand me more than most.
I know I owe something to all the wonderful people who have had me in their prayers over the past three months. I really do. In fact, I think I will spend the entire month of February making up for ignoring them.
But for now all I can say is thank you. I pray each night that you may be blessed for your selfless kindness and your countless prayers.
Please forgive me for January.
For those who may not know, I am in Arizona getting help for an ongoing heart issue and a cyst in my brain. It’s not as bad as it sounds, but I sure am exhausted… physically and emotionally. More details coming soon.
Kate is spent.
She is enjoying the Christmas season immensely.
She is having a rough month.
She is smart enough to know the previous two statements can both be true.
She is fighting brain aches, and dizziness, and for control of her appendages.
She is waiting to go to Mayo. (And is quite sad she didn’t get in today.)
She enjoyed her fourth anniversary with her sweetie, and his family.
She is ready to enjoy sleeping, but she had to reach out to you first.
She feels like she has nothing to write.
Like you’ve heard it all before.
Like she can’t explain how she feels or all that’s happened.
Like it’s not worth the energy to talk, type, or tell the truth.
Like it’s easier to “tell the truth in advance,” than it is to tell the truth.
Like, maybe, if she pretended to feel fine, she would.
Like, maybe, she owes you an apology for leaving you in the dark for so long.
(Please accept her sincere apology for said shortfall.)
Look for a non-third-person update soon.
2009
It was just a little dizziness. Or maybe I was just lightheaded. But it wouldn’t go away. Maybe it was my ear infection (I’ve had two this year, what’s with that?!), or the medication for the ear infection. But after a week, I’d had enough. My doctor was quick to recognize the symptoms…
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1985
When I was six months old I began to throw up and continued to do so until I became non-responsive. I was dehydrated. They admitted me to the hospital and said I’d be out in 24 hours… when my heart rate came back down. It never really did, so they released me from the hospital with a resting heart rate of 160bpm.
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Sometimes, even after over a decade with fibromyalgia, I have to be reminded just how bad things can get.
Sometimes, I forget how everything can hurt. Sometimes, I am surprised by how quickly the pain flares up. Sometimes, I am pleasantly surprised by how quickly the pain fades away. Today is not that day.
Today I woke up three hours early just because I couldn’t stand to stay horizontal another minute. Today I remember how badly I can hurt. Today I wonder how long this flare will last. Today I’ll settle for NaNoWriMo and cozy blankets.
Tomorrow I will head back to work. Tomorrow I want to feel well. Tomorrow I will be glad I took it easy today. Won’t I?
What do you do on painful days like today, to make sure your tomorrow is bearable?