It’s just after 8am on Saturday, my alarm went off nearly three hours ago, and last I checked I am shaped nothing like the abnormally proportioned toy to which I refer. I am not wearing any makeup, my hair is wet and heading toward unruly, and everything I am wearing is a shade of black or gray (none of these things are uncommon, btw). Needless to say, I will not be winning any awards for style or beauty. I am just here to talk about car travel.

Today Daniel and I are taking a day trip with my folks. Although my parents have a very comfortable car, when we arrive at our destination I will inevitably be feeling like Barbie. Is it just me? Do you know what I mean?

You turn to open the car door, and you crack. You step out of the car, and you pop. You stretch to the sky, and your spine sounds like internal fireworks. Maybe, like me, you do a few squats or pull a foot to your butt, and your knees seem to snap through the motions, just like Barbie legs.

Luckily, I feel comfortable while I am seated. But, once I get a chance to stand, my joints decide they are ticked I compared them to something packaged in pink and settle on causing me pain as a fair way to get even. (Don’t they know revenge never makes anything better?)

Alright, maybe my issue isn’t actually with car travel, but rather doing anything that limits my movement for hours. And maybe my joints pop like crazy no matter what. And maybe I can’t wait to go to Pops.

So, what about you? Does car travel aggregate your symptoms? Does the promise of a fun destination make it worth it? Do tell.

1. Visit from Daniel’s sister and our only first nephew.  SIL interview.  SIL offer.  No cross-country move.
2. Unexpected move to our “other” house. Sad to leave the Douglas. Glad for big yard and a visit from from my youngest BIL.  Sick Daniel.  New carpet.
3. After much planning (and hard work on my MIL’s part), our lovely lady-pup Notch (with her notched ear) made her way across the country to our rainy town.
4. Ten wonderful days @ our special place with Sweats’ side of the family.  Animals. Children. Rainstorms. Restaurants. Rides. Water.
5. We got lucky when a sweet Zoey Lil pup found her way to our home, where she always belonged, in a very round about way.
6. Four unexpected days, including Halloween, with Daniel and my folks at the Discovery’s STS-133 launch at KSC  WDW.  *cue typical withdrawals*

There you have it… ten months in a half-dozen tweets.

I apologize for the lack of pictures, but I am working on corralling, organizing, and editing what amounts to every digital image in our home (more than there are people in my town).  I’m all over it.  I swear.

Speaking of tweets, do you tweet?  I do. sometimes more often than others.  Be my friend.  Please… Thanks… Bye.

Or, not bye.  Not yet.  Or ever.  I still owe you health talk and such.

As I said before, my health is, by no means, perfect… but I am nonetheless astounded by the scope of my improvement.  I still have days when I am dizzy and my heart makes itself known, but even on those days I have more energy than I did this time last year.

How have I achieved such a significant improvement in my heart condition?

As part of my Mayo-prescribed treatment plan I continue to:

1. maintain a daily water intake of 4-7 liters
2. add salt to nearly everything I consume
3. incorporate cardio-centric exercise into my nearly-daily routine  (Except during the stomach-bug laden last two weeks.  I am tempted to feel ill and lazy, but that’s simply no fun.  So, I am trying to feel well and productive.)
4. take my medicine, as directed, three times daily

Although the positive results of this new treatment plan exceed my highest expectations, an unexpected side-effect has me learning patience in a most unexpected way.

When a work meeting gets stressful, a family member uses a tone of voice that strikes me as unkind, or I feel someone isn’t giving me the benefit of the doubt I strive to give them, I feel my blood pressure increase.  My vision blurs, I can barely hear over the sound of my heart in my ears, it is all I can do to keep myself from sighing, just to calm my heart.  Far too often I say curt things, but sometimes I manage to, as I say, bite my tongue to save my face.

Lucky for me I am surrounded by folks who love me and understand I am trying to be the best me I can be, within these new parameters.  I’m still finding my limits… some less permissive than they once were, and some quite the opposite.  Mostly, I’m just grateful I have the energy to learn this lesson on patience, and spend more time with my family and friends (and coworkers).

At my next appointment I plan to ask Dr. GH about this whole lack of patience thing, just to make sure I haven’t completely lost my mind.

And, speaking of my next appointment… it is either on December 20th in AZ, January 10th in MN, or both dates in both places.

Confused?  So am I.

Thank you for your continued support and advice.  I am grateful for your selflessness.

I dread mornings.  I wake up with an upset stomach, a headache, and body that hurts so badly I can barely move.  Every morning.  It is a rare occasion that I stay in bed more than one minute after my alarm sounds.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I always want to roll over, call in sick, and sleep the day away, because at least when I sleep I don’t hurt.  But the reality is the more quickly I get up and out of bed, the more quickly I feel I can function.

And here’s the point…

How many of us give in to these awful mornings?  How many of us lose resolve after a few of these miserable mornings?  How many of us choose to go back to sleep, just to escape the pain?  Isn’t the reality that such a choice is actually inhibiting our progress toward being well and pain-free?

Too many fibro folks choose to do what seems easy (roll over and go back to sleep), or even wise, and by doing so choose to feel a bit worse each day.  We take a sick day, take it easy, and skip our exercise.  And we create our own version of the reality that so many fibromyalgia and chronic pain stereotypes are based on.  We act lazy, we sleep all day, and we think no one understands.

I am not immune to such follies.  I too give in to my pain, far too often.  But since my trip to Arizona I have rededicated myself to doing what is truly best for my body… getting up, going out, and doing something.

I need to show what I can do.

I need to see myself succeed.

I need to feel my health improve.

And I firmly believe that by doing so, I can create and maintain a cycle of improvement.  I know I will face truly challenging days.  But I pray my future lows will be higher than mast highs.  Improvement is my goal.  May it be a goal we share.

So, please don’t give in the bad days.  And if you are stuck in a cycle of submitting to the mornings you think movement is an impossibility, strive for the little victories.  Set achievable goals, hold yourself accountable (to yourself, a goal, or a loved one), and tell me about your successes.  Please.  We can motivate each other.

I am sorry.  I haven’t posted an article in nearly two months.  I have, however, written a half dozen posts in as many weeks.  I have no good reason for not posting them.  I do, however, have a confession…

Sometimes people, ideas, and things produce absolutely no emotional response from me.  I am sure science can easily disprove that statement.  But I’m serious.  I find some people neither interesting nor dull.  I think some ideas are neither brilliant nor stupid.  I find some things neither worth my time nor worth avoiding.

Those who know me likely find this hard to imagine.  I am loud, opinionated, and frequently joyful.  I love weather, of any sort.  I am grateful for my chronic illnesses.  And I speak far too often.  If I had not experienced the phenomenon myself, I too would find it highly unlikely that Kate Blaylock could be ambivalent in regards to anything.  But, I confess, it’s true.

Is it just me?  Do you know what I mean?

I think not, and I think you do.

I think folks with chronic conditions have to ration their cares.  I try to minimize the stress care I allot to my conditions.  Of course I care for my conditions, so as to avoid a flare, but I save as much care as possible for other things.  Family.  Friends.  Home.  Church.  Work.  The future.  However, despite my conscious decisions, my body reserves the right to allot some of my care to wherever it sees fit.  Herein, I believe, lies the reason of my lack of emotion.

When my week is busy and my mind is full, I have little emotional room for fluff.  I focus.  I plan.  I execute.

My body is a miracle and a machine, and it knows what it can handle.  I am a fibrofolk and an adherent to listening to my body.  So, between my body, and me listening to my body, I know when I reach my limit… and when I don’t take appropriate action, my body steps in to prevent overstimulation, stress, and the inevitable flare.  And, as one can from countless aspects of chronic illness, I learn to have self control, to prioritize, and to say no.

If you have not yet read Chronic Pain and Cortisone, Part 1, please do so now.

When it came time for Dan to head to the fitness center, for my second post-cortisone trip (6 days after the injections),  I chose to stay home and enjoy my still-increasing soreness.   But I felt a bit guilty and thought I should at least do something to continue forming a habit of making fitness a priority, so I vowed spend some time with wiiFit.

And I did.

For all of 60 seconds.

I don’t know what happened, but standing on the wiiFit board aggravated my back almost instantly.  It was all I could do to gut out the body test… 100% of my pain returned, instantly.  I tried to ignore the discomfort and play some games, but I couldn’t see straight.

You know the feeling… Your vision blurs.  Your hearing fades.  You feel paralyzed… Incapable of breath, movement, and thought.

After collapsing back onto the couch, I opened the draft I had begun prior to dinner, and prior to my wiiFit fiasco, and started typing:

Nevermind what I said.  This is far too early to be passing judgment regarding the effectiveness of cortisone shots as treatment for my chronic pain.  All I can say is what I know:

• Cortisone shots are common.
• Cortisone shots feel strange.
• Cortisone shots made me hurt for two days.
• Cortisone shots relieved my pain for five days, until tonight.

Beyond these simple statements, I cannot say much.  But, you know me… Give me time, and I will give you an honest opinion based on personal experience and research.

……………………………………………………….

Now, three weeks after my first experience with cortisone injections, and two weeks since I wrote the above, I am back to share my experience.

While the cortisone injections helped reduce my back pain, I feel a bit hung up on the fact that I am treating yet another symptom, while the cause (known or otherwise) continues to exist (I assume).  Maybe I should not be so quick to write off the benefit?  The injections did break a season-long cycle of pain.  And I firmly believe that is a necessary step in eradicating pain… teaching your body not to hurt.  Call me new-age or crazy, but I’m right.

In closing, to be honest, I don’t think I will get these shots again.  I appreciate the pain relief and can’t imagine what I would have done without it, but the cortisone didn’t fix the cause, so when I lift things, bend just right, or sit for extended periods of time I still hurt.  I do not want to grow dependent on just relieving pain.  I want to heal.  I want to get well.  And, after researching cortisone, I don’t want to put anymore in my body.  I find no fault with those who get regular shots, I can’t blame them.  The relief is noticeable and has drastically increased my mobility and endurance.  However, I fear the side effects.

Having said that, I admit I can imagine a day, not long from now when I remember just how badly I hurt and just how much relief the injections provide, when I will retract this goal and make a return visit to my orthopedic doctor.

In the mean time I am pursuing another route through recovery to wellness.  More on that, to come.

Last night, after months of babying my back, I decided to head to the gym with the guys.  You see, my husband meets a friend to workout every night at nine.  And I love working out at nine.  In fact the whole tradition was my idea.  Well, the latter half.  I worked out nearly every night at nine during my summers home from college.  It did wonders for me.  It helped me turn my freshmen 15 into the sophomore sans 10.  It strengthened my relationship with my roommate.  And it reminded me that fitness and fibromyalgia could coexist. The whole working out bit was strongly suggested by our doctor, concerned about Dan’s high cholesterol .  Although, I am also a fan of the working out bit, considering I want my husband to live as long as possible.

Anyway, while they guys focused on cardio, I heeded the advice of my family doctor, my chiropractor, and my orthopedic doctor (Is there a one-word name for those folks?) and focused on my upper back and arms.  And like a true exgymnast/athlete, I overdid it… for my current fitness level.  But I am proud of myself.  What an improvement from a week ago!

A week ago was pretty much like a month ago…  the only thing I was overdoing was nothing.  Mysterious and severe back pain, multiple appointments with multiple doctors, and only minor pain relief.  Until Thursday six days ago?

Thursday I met with an orthopedic doctor to discuss my back pain, and before I knew it was receiving trigger point injections.  I really liked this doctor.  He agreed with my opinion of fibromyalgia and he was simple in his explanation of my pain, but he was so efficient I can’t remember if he explained trigger point injections before or after I experienced them, first hand.

Oh well.  I do remember him explaining just how sore they would make me.  I do remember him warning me I may feel dizzy and/or experience a headache (a total understatement).  And I do remember him telling me it’d take at least 36 hours to experience relief.  But, I’m no doctor, and to be frank, I wasn’t satisfied with his explanation (a little late for that, eh?), so when I came home I hit up Mayo Clinic for some info on cortisone shots.

As promised my back was incredibly sore for nearly two days, but by Saturday night I was feeling better.  My back pain, as well as the post-injection soreness, was almost completely gone and I was back to my usual activities.  So, last night, after months of babying my back, I decided to head to the gym with the guys (cue literary comment from my sweetie).

Now that you’ve read Part 1, be sure to head over to Chronic Pain and Cortisone, Part 2.

Nischan’s article closely echoes the advice I received during one of my recent trips to my chiropractor, Dr. Delilah.  He highlights body-friendly postures for driving, working, and sleeping and does a good job reminding you that the little things do, indeed, matter.

Before I left on vacation, Dr. Delilah strongly recommended I pay close attention to my posture.  She reminded me of the power seemingly small habits have to create muscle tension and pain.  She also reminded me how simple it can be to develop good habits and counteract and/or erase bad habits.

My sleep posture seems in line with the advice of both my chiropractor, and Jamie.  But my posture behind the wheel and at my desk need serious improvement.  In fact, my chiropractor believes my recent severe back pain can be lessened as I grow more aware of, and improve my driving posture.

Please give Nischan’s article a read, and let me know what you think.  And remember, don’t get overwhelmed.

I’m pretty sure being aware of your posture is the bulk of the battle.

I look forward to your feedback.

Since my first message regarding my last post, from one who has experienced first hand the support of fibrofolks, I’ve been bragging to my sweetie, my parents, and my friends about the sincere, and wise allies I have in the chronic illness community.  My heart is humbled by your experience, your optimism, and your insight.  Although my back is still hurting, I have been made able to better endure the pain.  It feels more muscular, and less skeletal. And I feel less aware of the pain, and more aware of all I am still able to do (and how blessed I truly am).

While I am away on vacation, remember these words of advice from my friend Benia Zouras, of The Table.

Enjoy what you can, whether it’s quiet time outside or getting lost in music or mindless television. Try to have a day where you don’t have to worry about appointments or chores and just BE for a while.

Last night I followed Benia’s advice and took time to just be.  I curled up in a comfy chair family friends recently gave Daniel (it’s rapidly becoming my favorite), made a half-dozen Genius playlists, and sang my big heart out.

While we’re on the subject of being, head over to ChronicBabe to catch up on the Be Here Now Experiment.  And, while we’re on the subject of being here now, head over to (insert preferred music purveyor here) and give Ray LaMontagne’s “Be Here Now” a listen (you will melt).

And while we’re on the subject of Ray LaMontagne, I’m off to give him a listen and get packing.

Thank you again for your prayers, your encouragement, and most importantly… your strength.  I know prayers are answered.  I know encouragement is power.  And I know strength is contagious.

I hate feeling like a fool each time I go to the doctor.  I hate invisible pain from an invisible cause.  I hate being unable to drive without nearly vomiting from pain.  I hate hurting so badly I can’t maintain my composure.  I hate when pain demands attention.  I hate that I can’t go more than an hour without mentioning my pain.  I hate that I’m a wuss with new pain, yet am nearly unfazed by fibromyalgia and arthritis pain.  I hate that walking, standing, sitting, reclining, and sleeping all hurt.  I hate pain that radiates and disturbs my equilibrium.

I hate that I hate things.  But I love that the things I most despise teach me the most-needed lessons.

Apparently I am a slow learner.

Anyway… after struggling with mild to immobilizing spine pain for nearly a month, I am reaching a point we all know too well.  When your body and your mind battle to determine just how much you can endure.  When your mind fears for your sanity while your body punishes your nerves.  When you turn inside and wonder how much longer you can live like this.  When you just need relief.

I leave for vacation on Friday, but the thought of a plane ride has me full of dread.  No doctor has been able to help me, and I just keep living life like normal (mostly).  My chiropractor provided two likely causes after examining my x-rays… but I am still in extreme pain.  Please help me!

Have you suffered from extreme spinal pain?

Mine is centered in the middle of my back (top to bottom) on my spine (and a bit to the right).  It is constant but is made worse with movement.  If I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees while sitting I feel a bit of relief.  Standing just right feels bearable, as well.  Sitting is a nightmare, but it seems the best way to deal with the extreme dizziness I feel as the pain radiates throughout my body.

I apologize for the mediocre writing and the negative tone.  And I look forward to any advice you may have. I just cannot go on feeling this dreadful.

My action plan for the rest of the week consists of:

1. Family Doctor follow-up.  Leave with prior chest and spine x-rays.
2. Appointment with some sort of orthopedic doctor.
3. A massage.  (It hurts beyond belief to lay on my stomach, but somehow I end up relaxed.)
4. Continue to be grateful for a job that allows me to get lost in details and forget myself.
5. Offer my appreciation to the many examples of discipline and strength that motivate and humble me.
6. ?

What do you recommend I add to this action plan?  I am open to all suggestions.

Thank you!

To those of you who have already shared your advice and experiences, I thank you for your time and support.  I will follow-up with you when I get feeling a bit better.

If I don’t jump all over minor issues, as they arise, I’ll be mugged by a flare up… eventually.  So, to those of you who don’t understand the nature of chronic pain conditions, and think I’m a wuss who spends too much time with a doctor… keep it to yourself.  Please.

Your judgments don’t enrich the world.  In fact, I don’t think they do anything but reassure you that your over-scheduled, passive-aggressive life will in fact make you better than me (although the fact that you spend your time judging me shows quite candidly that you don’t actually believe that).

And, as for me, I will work on caring less what the judgmental crowd thinks.  I know I’m a “grown-up” now, and should be over caring… but I’m not.

So there it is, short and not-so-sweet… another life lesson from the shameless schoolmaster that is chronic pain.