Is it just me? Fibromyalgia and a Lack of Emotion

Topics: Fibromyalgia and..., Is it just me?

I don’t have a lot to say.  But I do have to say this.

I am sorry.  I haven’t posted an arti­cle in nearly two months.  I have, how­ever, writ­ten a half dozen posts in as many weeks.  I have no good rea­son for not post­ing them.  I do, how­ever, have a confession…

Some­times peo­ple, ideas, and things pro­duce absolutely no emo­tional response from me.  I am sure sci­ence can eas­ily dis­prove that state­ment.  But I’m seri­ous.  I find some peo­ple nei­ther inter­est­ing nor dull.  I think some ideas are nei­ther bril­liant nor stu­pid.  I find some things nei­ther worth my time nor worth avoiding.

Those who know me likely find this hard to imag­ine.  I am loud, opin­ion­ated, and fre­quently joy­ful.  I love weather, of any sort.  I am grate­ful for my chronic ill­nesses.  And I speak far too often.  If I had not expe­ri­enced the phe­nom­e­non myself, I too would find it highly unlikely that Kate Blay­lock could be ambiva­lent in regards to any­thing.  But, I con­fess, it’s true.

Is it just me?  Do you know what I mean?

I think not, and I think you do.

I think folks with chronic con­di­tions have to ration their cares.  I try to min­i­mize the stress care I allot to my con­di­tions.  Of course I care for my con­di­tions, so as to avoid a flare, but I save as much care as pos­si­ble for other things.  Fam­ily.  Friends.  Home.  Church.  Work.  The future.  How­ever, despite my con­scious deci­sions, my body reserves the right to allot some of my care to wher­ever it sees fit.  Herein, I believe, lies the rea­son of my lack of emotion.

When my week is busy and my mind is full, I have lit­tle emo­tional room for fluff.  I focus.  I plan.  I execute.

My body is a mir­a­cle and a machine, and it knows what it can han­dle.  I am a fibro­folk and an adher­ent to lis­ten­ing to my body.  So, between my body, and me lis­ten­ing to my body, I know when I reach my limit… and when I don’t take appro­pri­ate action, my body steps in to pre­vent over­stim­u­la­tion, stress, and the inevitable flare.  And, as one can from count­less aspects of chronic ill­ness, I learn to have self con­trol, to pri­or­i­tize, and to say no.

Existing Comments

    Comment by Rochelle on October 19, 2009 @ 8:36 am

    Well said.

    Comment by julia on October 20, 2009 @ 9:46 pm

    HI,

    I too have fibro and I think I under­stand what you mean. I too have my lists of things that have to be done. There is some­times wrig­gle room for the unex­pected and there are many days when the list barely gets started. Also, I think that the med­ica­tions that I take and just plain fatige con­tribute. Some­times, by the end of the day, you’ve pretty much had all of me that you’re going to get.

    Comment by Teia Hassey/VinaMist on October 21, 2009 @ 1:57 am

    Our emo­tions all tie in with how much energy we have from day to day. Some things I use to care about, I am just numb too. I save my energy and emo­tions for those I care for most.

    Take care
    Teia

    Comment by Angela Carter on October 21, 2009 @ 10:23 am

    I do under­stand what you are say­ing. I have had fir­bomyal­gia for over 10 years now and I have those days when I feel as if I could take it or leave it. I have to pick and choose the things I do every­day because my con­cen­tra­tion lev­els are at rock bot­tom. When I can’t con­cen­trate I show no emo­tions and I have no responses. My body will speak to me loud and clear that it is time to shut down every thing, emo­tion­ally, think­ing, phys­i­cally and no one seems to get it. I don’t talk on the phone, e-mail, or go online for any­thing, I don’t answer my door or return phone calls.
    I have started tak­ing Savella, which has helpped a great deal with all of this but I still have my days when it doesn’t. Savella is nice because the only side effect that I have expe­ri­enced is nausa and it goes away as soon as I eat a lit­tle some­thing. Nausa is the only most com­n­mon side effect it has.

    Comment by perpetualspiral on October 29, 2009 @ 6:43 am

    Actu­ally “ambiva­lence” means you have strong, con­flict­ing emo­tions about some­thing. What you are describ­ing sounds more like refrain­ing from judge­ment, and that is a great way to save energy! There’s absolutely noth­ing wrong with not hav­ing an opin­ion on every sin­gle thing you see. In fact, it could be con­sid­ered a very enlight­ened per­spec­tive. Not judg­ing, not mak­ing dis­tinc­tions, just accept­ing things as they are. It might be strange to some one who isn’t used to it, but I think it’s great & should be enjoyed rather than wor­ried about :D

    Comment by Kelly on November 19, 2009 @ 12:26 pm

    I was dx 10/08 with fibro and know exactly what you mean. I have always been the one every­one talked to about their prob­lems, the ideal Libra. Since I have been dx with fibro, I have lit­tle time or energy for people’s petty prob­lems. That sounds so awful, but it’s how I feel!! They com­plain about how their back is hurt­ing today or they have a bad headache or how no one under­stands the pres­sure they’re under at work. SO WHAT??? I just don’t have the time for the b.s. in my life any­more. When they talk to me I just want to rant and rave -“you try liv­ing with chronic pain,headaches,fatigue and still have a hus­band, 2 teens, and a full time job. Then you can com­plain!!!!” I also work in a doctor’s office which is lis­ten­ing to other people’s prob­lems all day long. But no one wants to hear me when I’m hav­ing a flare and can hardly move another step!! Sorry that I got off on a pitty party, but I soooooo under­stand what you mean about not car­ing. Thanks so much for your site!!!

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