I don’t have a lot to say. But I do have to say this.
I am sorry. I haven’t posted an article in nearly two months. I have, however, written a half dozen posts in as many weeks. I have no good reason for not posting them. I do, however, have a confession…
Sometimes people, ideas, and things produce absolutely no emotional response from me. I am sure science can easily disprove that statement. But I’m serious. I find some people neither interesting nor dull. I think some ideas are neither brilliant nor stupid. I find some things neither worth my time nor worth avoiding.
Those who know me likely find this hard to imagine. I am loud, opinionated, and frequently joyful. I love weather, of any sort. I am grateful for my chronic illnesses. And I speak far too often. If I had not experienced the phenomenon myself, I too would find it highly unlikely that Kate Blaylock could be ambivalent in regards to anything. But, I confess, it’s true.
Is it just me? Do you know what I mean?
I think not, and I think you do.
I think folks with chronic conditions have to ration their cares. I try to minimize the stress care I allot to my conditions. Of course I care for my conditions, so as to avoid a flare, but I save as much care as possible for other things. Family. Friends. Home. Church. Work. The future. However, despite my conscious decisions, my body reserves the right to allot some of my care to wherever it sees fit. Herein, I believe, lies the reason of my lack of emotion.
When my week is busy and my mind is full, I have little emotional room for fluff. I focus. I plan. I execute.
My body is a miracle and a machine, and it knows what it can handle. I am a fibrofolk and an adherent to listening to my body. So, between my body, and me listening to my body, I know when I reach my limit… and when I don’t take appropriate action, my body steps in to prevent overstimulation, stress, and the inevitable flare. And, as one can from countless aspects of chronic illness, I learn to have self control, to prioritize, and to say no.