Is it just me? Fibromyalgia and a Lack of Emotion


I don’t have a lot to say.  But I do have to say this.

I am sorry.  I haven’t posted an article in nearly two months.  I have, however, written a half dozen posts in as many weeks.  I have no good reason for not posting them.  I do, however, have a confession…

Sometimes people, ideas, and things produce absolutely no emotional response from me.  I am sure science can easily disprove that statement.  But I’m serious.  I find some people neither interesting nor dull.  I think some ideas are neither brilliant nor stupid.  I find some things neither worth my time nor worth avoiding.

Those who know me likely find this hard to imagine.  I am loud, opinionated, and frequently joyful.  I love weather, of any sort.  I am grateful for my chronic illnesses.  And I speak far too often.  If I had not experienced the phenomenon myself, I too would find it highly unlikely that Kate Blaylock could be ambivalent in regards to anything.  But, I confess, it’s true.

Is it just me?  Do you know what I mean?

I think not, and I think you do.

I think folks with chronic conditions have to ration their cares.  I try to minimize the stress care I allot to my conditions.  Of course I care for my conditions, so as to avoid a flare, but I save as much care as possible for other things.  Family.  Friends.  Home.  Church.  Work.  The future.  However, despite my conscious decisions, my body reserves the right to allot some of my care to wherever it sees fit.  Herein, I believe, lies the reason of my lack of emotion.

When my week is busy and my mind is full, I have little emotional room for fluff.  I focus.  I plan.  I execute.

My body is a miracle and a machine, and it knows what it can handle.  I am a fibrofolk and an adherent to listening to my body.  So, between my body, and me listening to my body, I know when I reach my limit… and when I don’t take appropriate action, my body steps in to prevent overstimulation, stress, and the inevitable flare.  And, as one can from countless aspects of chronic illness, I learn to have self control, to prioritize, and to say no.

6 Responses

  • Rochelle on October 19, 2009, 08:36:53

    Well said.

    Reply to Rochelle
  • julia on October 20, 2009, 21:46:41

    HI,

    I too have fibro and I think I understand what you mean. I too have my lists of things that have to be done. There is sometimes wriggle room for the unexpected and there are many days when the list barely gets started. Also, I think that the medications that I take and just plain fatige contribute. Sometimes, by the end of the day, you’ve pretty much had all of me that you’re going to get.

    Reply to julia
  • Teia Hassey/VinaMist on October 21, 2009, 01:57:57

    Our emotions all tie in with how much energy we have from day to day. Some things I use to care about, I am just numb too. I save my energy and emotions for those I care for most.

    Take care
    Teia

    Reply to Teia
  • Angela Carter on October 21, 2009, 10:23:15

    I do understand what you are saying. I have had firbomyalgia for over 10 years now and I have those days when I feel as if I could take it or leave it. I have to pick and choose the things I do everyday because my concentration levels are at rock bottom. When I can’t concentrate I show no emotions and I have no responses. My body will speak to me loud and clear that it is time to shut down every thing, emotionally, thinking, physically and no one seems to get it. I don’t talk on the phone, e-mail, or go online for anything, I don’t answer my door or return phone calls.
    I have started taking Savella, which has helpped a great deal with all of this but I still have my days when it doesn’t. Savella is nice because the only side effect that I have experienced is nausa and it goes away as soon as I eat a little something. Nausa is the only most comnmon side effect it has.

    Reply to Angela
  • perpetualspiral on October 29, 2009, 06:43:37

    Actually “ambivalence” means you have strong, conflicting emotions about something. What you are describing sounds more like refraining from judgement, and that is a great way to save energy! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not having an opinion on every single thing you see. In fact, it could be considered a very enlightened perspective. Not judging, not making distinctions, just accepting things as they are. It might be strange to some one who isn’t used to it, but I think it’s great & should be enjoyed rather than worried about 😀

    Reply to perpetualspiral
  • Kelly on November 19, 2009, 12:26:19

    I was dx 10/08 with fibro and know exactly what you mean. I have always been the one everyone talked to about their problems, the ideal Libra. Since I have been dx with fibro, I have little time or energy for people’s petty problems. That sounds so awful, but it’s how I feel!! They complain about how their back is hurting today or they have a bad headache or how no one understands the pressure they’re under at work. SO WHAT??? I just don’t have the time for the b.s. in my life anymore. When they talk to me I just want to rant and rave -“you try living with chronic pain,headaches,fatigue and still have a husband, 2 teens, and a full time job. Then you can complain!!!!” I also work in a doctor’s office which is listening to other people’s problems all day long. But no one wants to hear me when I’m having a flare and can hardly move another step!! Sorry that I got off on a pitty party, but I soooooo understand what you mean about not caring. Thanks so much for your site!!!

    Reply to Kelly

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